{Wrds Hndr Cmmnctn. Srsly.}

Friday, November 04, 2011 - Procrastination Attempt.

Conclusion - I'm not a guy. Or the author is not a guy. I think the latter is more likely.

‎51 FACTS ABOUT GUYS :)

1. Guys hate sluts.

Wonder how they managed to get their statuses as sluts then. Two hands to clap!

2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

Or... possibly, just maybe... they just want to know if you're really busy.

3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

Wonder what happens to the people who go to sleep thinking about what they need to do when they wake up. Are they really flirty then?

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

Not sure if talking about guy here... Or goldfish.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

These guys need to learn how to be humorous.

6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

That explains Jack the Ripper!

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-
how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

Translation: The author feels insecure and need to compensate for stuff.

8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

That's stalker material, right there.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

I wonder if this guy locks his girlfriends up in his basement?

10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

Don't dig around in this guy's back yard, is all I'm saying.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

As seen from the previous 3 points, obviously so.

12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

In other stereotypical news...

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

Weirdly, when this happens it almost always means that something is wrong.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

Wait, so he doesn't court people he like? I think I see the problem here...

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

Er. I'm not even sure if I need to say something here.

16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

Kryptonite! But no seriously, I think getting kicked in the balls is a bigger weakness.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

Yay for lumping all guys into 1 category. Wait, this is what the whole list was about. Oh no, this joke is getting too meta!

18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

It's like buying a car. You want to test drive it to make sure the engine isn't broken and the sleazy owner hasn't replaced all the parts with cheaper Chinese versions.... And that analogy kinda got away from me.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

Solution: Dump all your friends! I c wut you did thar.

20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

"Oh no, I just crashed my car into a tree. What should I do? Hello? Hello? Why aren't you saying anything?"

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

Damn, so that lecturer was totally hitting on his entire class that day.

22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

Beware, first comes the assurances, then when you least expect it... SURPRISE AFFAIR!

23. Guys will brag about anything.

"12 inches!" Too easy...

24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.

Careful, he's just planting suggestions so he can have easier access to you. It's like Inception!

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

As this list proves, it certainly applies to the author. Holy shit, I'm just halfway through. Whatever this guy was smoking when he wrote this, I want some of it.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

As this list proves, the author really believes everyone's like him. Luckily that's not true, or we'll be extinct already.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

Woah. Yet... this list... This is seriously meta.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

Also, try to speak in a language known to mankind.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.

I'm not sure it's helped this guy any here...

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

I wonder if the author thought about this list for the next couple of days then?

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

All the porn on the internet says no.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

This guy's running out of steam...

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

Use a safeword then, silly.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

Or he might just be really calm and laid back. Unless he was hanging off a 100-ft drop with just a fraying rope. Where's the context!

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

Weird, then, that "going crazy about a girl" is what so many teens are saying all the time.

36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

Holy shit if girls really listen to this, murder rates are going to rise really quickly.

37. Guys don't really have final decisions.

This guy really enjoys being pussywhipped...

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

Now, this is the story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

Oh hey this is probably the first piece of real advice in this whole column. Or maybe he's just being considerate, who knows?

40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

"Wow, what big boobs she has."

41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

Sadly, both are something this author has in spades.

42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

Hell no, how do you make her stay in the kitchen then?

43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

Unless he tattooed them all on his face, then I certainly hope this applies to everyone...

44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

See #41.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

How much is too much? Why are we here? Oh no, I'm getting existential.

46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

This guy probably has never been around guys. Or girls.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

Omg brain crash, I don't even know what to say here anymore.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

I think most guys would actually prefer to do without the strangeness and confusion, and I think some biologists would like to speak to the author regarding the last part.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

Wow. Just a day? This guy doesn't sound like he needs his nuts.

50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own.
He's just too stubborn to admit it

ie: Replace "guy" with author's name. Actually, do so for entire list.

51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.

Not all guys are the same. Just because one guy knows how to write lists doesn't mean he represents all of us! Woah, this guy must really be into the whole self-referencing joke thingie.

I almost feel guilty about this. It's like bullying. Except that I've never thought like this even when I was a teen.

Labels: Random

{9:45 PM}