I would pick on the act of celebrating a randomly assigned number number in a self-defined point in time, except I think everyone knows the futility of it and I'll just look anal if I do it, so here I am picking on that act passively aggressively by not picking on it.
Some people say that flipping a coin works because you know what you really want when the coin is in the air or something like that. That might be true for important decisions or issues dear to the heart, but personally, coins determine some of the toughest decisions of my daily life.
Tonight, a friend leaves for good. I call her on the phone and say my goodbyes. I'm walking home at midnight and I look up at the night sky. The stars are out, and the moon is full. It's a good night.
I still can't believe there were people (note: plural) in my tute who thought that the government shouldn't release all its data because there's too much data and it'll be too troublesome, if not impossible, to sort through it all. Hey, I don't think you'll never get to exercise the full extent of your right of free will, so perhaps we should limit it, hmm?
Such short-sighted thinking.
Sometimes I worry for the future of the world. Then I remember this.
Islamic fundamentalism did not actually begin until the early 20th century or so. Guess how it began? Baby steps. Wonder if we'll be seeing Christian fundamentalism this century? Lets regress to the Middle Ages, it'll be a good method of population control!
Conclusion - I'm not a guy. Or the author is not a guy. I think the latter is more likely.
51 FACTS ABOUT GUYS :)
1. Guys hate sluts.
Wonder how they managed to get their statuses as sluts then. Two hands to clap!
2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
Or... possibly, just maybe... they just want to know if you're really busy.
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
Wonder what happens to the people who go to sleep thinking about what they need to do when they wake up. Are they really flirty then?
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
Not sure if talking about guy here... Or goldfish.
5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
These guys need to learn how to be humorous.
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
That explains Jack the Ripper!
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize- how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
Translation: The author feels insecure and need to compensate for stuff.
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
That's stalker material, right there.
9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
I wonder if this guy locks his girlfriends up in his basement?
10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
Don't dig around in this guy's back yard, is all I'm saying.
11. Guys get jealous easily.
As seen from the previous 3 points, obviously so.
12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.
In other stereotypical news...
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
Weirdly, when this happens it almost always means that something is wrong.
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
Wait, so he doesn't court people he like? I think I see the problem here...
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
Er. I'm not even sure if I need to say something here.
16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.
Kryptonite! But no seriously, I think getting kicked in the balls is a bigger weakness.
17. Guys are very open about themselves.
Yay for lumping all guys into 1 category. Wait, this is what the whole list was about. Oh no, this joke is getting too meta!
18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
It's like buying a car. You want to test drive it to make sure the engine isn't broken and the sleazy owner hasn't replaced all the parts with cheaper Chinese versions.... And that analogy kinda got away from me.
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
Solution: Dump all your friends! I c wut you did thar.
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
"Oh no, I just crashed my car into a tree. What should I do? Hello? Hello? Why aren't you saying anything?"
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
Damn, so that lecturer was totally hitting on his entire class that day.
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
Beware, first comes the assurances, then when you least expect it... SURPRISE AFFAIR!
23. Guys will brag about anything.
"12 inches!" Too easy...
24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.
Careful, he's just planting suggestions so he can have easier access to you. It's like Inception!
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
As this list proves, it certainly applies to the author. Holy shit, I'm just halfway through. Whatever this guy was smoking when he wrote this, I want some of it.
26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
As this list proves, the author really believes everyone's like him. Luckily that's not true, or we'll be extinct already.
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
Woah. Yet... this list... This is seriously meta.
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.
Also, try to speak in a language known to mankind.
29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.
I'm not sure it's helped this guy any here...
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
I wonder if the author thought about this list for the next couple of days then?
31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
All the porn on the internet says no.
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
This guy's running out of steam...
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
Use a safeword then, silly.
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
Or he might just be really calm and laid back. Unless he was hanging off a 100-ft drop with just a fraying rope. Where's the context!
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
Weird, then, that "going crazy about a girl" is what so many teens are saying all the time.
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
Holy shit if girls really listen to this, murder rates are going to rise really quickly.
37. Guys don't really have final decisions.
This guy really enjoys being pussywhipped...
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
Now, this is the story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
Oh hey this is probably the first piece of real advice in this whole column. Or maybe he's just being considerate, who knows?
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
"Wow, what big boobs she has."
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
Sadly, both are something this author has in spades.
42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
Hell no, how do you make her stay in the kitchen then?
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
Unless he tattooed them all on his face, then I certainly hope this applies to everyone...
44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
See #41.
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
How much is too much? Why are we here? Oh no, I'm getting existential.
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
This guy probably has never been around guys. Or girls.
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
Omg brain crash, I don't even know what to say here anymore.
48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
I think most guys would actually prefer to do without the strangeness and confusion, and I think some biologists would like to speak to the author regarding the last part.
49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
Wow. Just a day? This guy doesn't sound like he needs his nuts.
50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it
ie: Replace "guy" with author's name. Actually, do so for entire list.
51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.
Not all guys are the same. Just because one guy knows how to write lists doesn't mean he represents all of us! Woah, this guy must really be into the whole self-referencing joke thingie.
I almost feel guilty about this. It's like bullying. Except that I've never thought like this even when I was a teen.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It's weird how the same smell of stale cigarette smoke seem to permeate the air in all bars, regardless of whether it's a non-smoking establishment or not. Incidentally, it wasn't. Taiwan's smoking policy banned all indoor smoking, of course, but out in the rural areas, no one really cared much about government policies.
The sound of conversations held in both English and the local dialect washed over me, nearly overpowering the rich, dark voice of Laura Fygi singing “The Summer Knows” over the bar's stereo. The bar did not have live music, but then again, it was Taiwan. I was still amazed at finding a good jazz bar in Taiwan, much less one at a rural seaside bar that I just happened to be stopping over. I took a sip of my drink. My brain was starting to buzz from the alcohol's effect, and I took a mental inventory of the number of drink's I'd had that night. 6. Not too bad.
“You know, there's a jazz bar in Thailand really similar to this one. Only difference is that they speak Thai in there, of course. And they actually serve Graveyards, too.”
I turned back and looked at my friend, slightly bemused. He was an unremarkable-looking person, with black hair, a clean-shaven face, two eyes, two ears and a mouth all in the right places. If I had seen him in a crowd I would probably not have recognised him. What was his name again? I tried to bring it to mind, but I could not remember his name however hard I tried. I'm usually bad at names, but he had only just re-introduced himself. I had known him from way before, when we were both doing an internship at a power plant, although we had not seen each other for years now. I did not know why they would need a multimedia student in a power plant when I first started work there, and 6 months later when I left, I still had no idea. I got to know him during our daily shuttle service trips to the plant. He was 1 year my senior and studying engineering. Engineers in a power plant, now that I understood. But multimedia students? Surely the power plant would not produce more power just because it had better-looking buttons.
He continued on, secure in his usefulness in power plants. “What's weird is that they were playing this very song when I entered that bar in Thailand. It was the Andy Williams version, though, if I remember correctly. Would be real creepy if it was the exact same song by the exact same singer. I mean, everyone covers each others' songs in the jazz world, so hearing the same song in two different jazz bars isn't at all surprising. The same singer singing the same song, however, especially when it's just a semi-popular song like this one...”
I nodded, not because I agreed, but because it seemed the right thing to do. The alcohol was getting to me. “What were you doing in Thailand, anyway?”
He took a sip from his Long Island Tea and pondered my question. “It's the same reason why I'm here, actually. R&R after an army training exercise. One of the toughest ones I've ever been involved in, too.”
He paused and contemplated that statement for a second. Seemingly satisfied with it, he nodded and lit a cigarette. Dunhill Reds. I took the chance to light up one of my own. I tried to recall his name again. It hung there in the distance, like a carrot on a stick that could never be obtained. I hoped it would come to me later. I hate the feeling of almost remembering something.
“How so?” Cigarette smoke curled in the air around us as I waited for him to continue.
“Well, for starters, we were out in the jungle during the rainy season. Not that there are many seasons in Thailand actually – it's either dry or wet, not much in the way of variety. Anyway, we were there in Sai Yok in July, right smack in the middle of the rainy season. I'm not sure about you, but sitting in the middle of the jungle in forty-three degree afternoons and fifteen degree nights for six days while it's raining constantly, with only one other person for company and no proper food isn't exactly my idea of fun. And that was only the first mission, mind you. At any rate, you can't really see what's in front of you at night, so we were mostly just sitting in the cold, wet, hungry, unable to sleep with nothing to do. But more than that, it was the waiting that I hated the most. I've never had to wait so much during an army exercise. It gets really unnerving, you know, sitting there in that terrible weather waiting for something to happen. Added to that was this feeling of inevitability in the air. Like something was definitely going to happen, but you just had no idea when. Or what.”
He paused to order another drink, looking around as he did. It was almost midnight, but the bar was still half filled. Most of the locals were gone, however. Only the regular drunks would remain at a bar at this time on a weekday night. The bar stereo was playing “Walk On By”. Two women were beside us, dyed blonde hair covering their skin tanned from long hours under the sun, quarrelling furiously in low voices while oblivious to the world around them. It sounded like a lovers' tiff. Their drinks stood forgotten on the counter, two pillars of cold calmness against the wrath of their patrons.
He looked at them with mild interest. “Terrible business. It reminds me of this friend of mine. She once bedded twenty guys at one go just because society said she shouldn't. Her parents are still not talking to her, even till now.”
“How does that remind you of this couple?”
“I'm not sure. It's just a vibe, you know?”
I didn't, so I just nodded in agreement and waited for him to resume his story. Was his friend happy about the act? I deliberated on her reasons for doing so. Wasn't she acknowledging society's constraints even more by reacting so strongly against it? Surely the best way to break free of her constraints was to ignore it altogether and do as she usually would, instead of going out of the way to break it. How does one arrange that sort of thing anyway? Did she call an escort service and ask for twenty men, or was there a special agency for that sort of thing?
However, before I could ruminate further on the philosophical and logistical implications behind a twenty-one-some, my friend's drink arrived. A pint of Erdinger Black. I didn't know they served German beers. He took a sip, set his drink down and continued his story, as though we had not just been comparing a couple's quarrel to a girl's sexual escapades.
“Well, nothing really happened during that mission. Me and my scout partner got thoroughly soaked, slept on hard stone in the hot day and cold night and tried to talk to each other until the exercise was over and we were collected. He was a terrible bore to talk to, really. Full of righteousness and certainty. A regular right-wing kind of person.”
“So you two talked politics then?”
“Oh, not really. We mostly talked about this person who worked at the camp's canteen. She... He? was a transsexual, with all the cosmetic surgery done, at least wherever we could see. She refused to change her voice, however, so there she was, this female-looking person with a really deep voice serving Pad Thai in an army camp. She called herself Jenny. And it was excellent Pad Thai, too.”
“A transsexual with a deep voice called Jenny selling tasty Pad Thai in an army camp.” I repeated the words, just to make sure I had the details right.
“That's right. As you can imagine, my partner was really infuriated by her presence. Said she went against the natural order of things and stuff like that. Made for six really long days. I can't stand extremism, myself. Extremism blinds people to the possibility that they might not be right, and usually they aren't. But of course, they believe they are, and nothing can convince them otherwise. The world would be a much better place if everyone decided to stop being extreme, really.”
I had no opinion on his extremist views on extremism, so I shrugged and finished my drink, trying to recall his name. Was it Ivan? Jack? It felt like an itch at the back of my head, and I struggled to scratch it. The bartender came over and collected my now-empty glass. I refused another drink.
He looked at the far wall, oblivious to the mental battle waged right in front of him.
“Oh yea, I saw a guy die on my last day there.”
I stared at him.
“Yea, it was rainy, as usual, and we were packing up the last of our equipment beside this long, straight road early in the morning. This motorcyclist was just minding his own business, motoring towards his destination when our Jeep decided to reverse out of a copse of trees onto the road, right in front of the motorcyclist's path. A loud bang, and the motorcyclist was far on the other side of the Jeep. Dead instantly before he even had his breakfast, I imagine. I hope he did though. It's probably a horrible feeling to die before breakfast.”
I pondered the likelihood of that. Would the motorcyclist have disapproved of Jenny, or the woman with twenty partners? Probably not. A dead speeder wouldn't be in a position to judge the number of partners a woman decided to have, or whether someone was a transsexual or not. “So... Your driver killed a motorcyclist.”
“To be fair, he was speeding. But then again, it's Thailand. Speeding is socially acceptable behaviour there. If you don't speed, the people behind get really angry at you. It's not like they're in a rush, actually. They just don't like to waste any time that they don't have to.”
“Well, what happened to them in the end? The Jeep driver and the motorcyclist?”
“The driver was pretty traumatised. He's probably never even killed an ant in his life before that. A human is no place to start. They had to send him to counselling. After charging him, of course. The army does everything in an orderly fashion, if anything. The motorcyclist's corpse, however, was picked up by the nearby hospital. The orderlies arriving to collect him looked bored, as though collecting corpses was routine work. Who knows, maybe it was. At any rate, the driver was charged and the corpse was collected, and that was that.”
He downed his drink and placed the mug firmly on the counter with a sigh. He glared at his empty mug, as though dismayed that his beer was gone. He took out another cigarette and lit it, taking a deep puff before turning to look at me.
“I really hope the motorcyclist had his breakfast before going out. I think I would hate to die on an empty stomach myself.”
I looked at my friend dubiously. What was his name? I couldn't bring it to my mind, as much as I tried to so do. I gave up and nodded in agreement.
Jonathan
16121986
Canada
Ai Tong
CHS
SP Multimedia
The Organisation - The Enemy
The Company
SCGS Primary
Ang Mo Kio Sec School
University of Western Australia Singapore Australia
currently ;
Uni
Graveyard
Onmyouza
The Unforgiving
Mechanical Poet
Lots of books
Mass Effect
Money! Lots of Money!!
Job =(
Studies =(((
Singapore =((((( Life?
